How to pwn online visibility
Today I found out via Paul Stamatiou about Ziki, a new social networking site that's all about aggregating yourself and "optimizing" your online visibility. The first 10,000 subscribers will even get their names sponsored in Google, Yahoo, and MSN searches. Like, totally cool!
NOT!
Let me tell you how to "optimize" your online visibility, people. Take it from a pro. It's simple. You ready?
The key to having ultimate online visibility is to have a weird name.
You were stuck with John Smith? Mary Jane? John Doe? Sucks. My name is Christian Montoya and I haven't met anyone with my name, at least not in the first page of Google's, Yahoo's, or MSN's results! That's called pwnage, and all you need is a weird and quirky name to bask in the glory of it. Just ask Paul Stamatiou, Bryan Veloso, or Lea Alcantara. It really works!
And the pwnage doesn't have to stop with you! You can be proactive and ensure the success of your offspring by giving them unique names that will empower them from day 1! Take my example; all of my children will be named with a combination of blind key-typing combined with ROT-13, and each name will be 40 characters long. The only rules I'm enforcing is that they must be alphanumeric and start with letters (kind of like variable names in PHP, sans the underscores). Do you think anyone is going to top a name like "Yg67kas98hledu96ljhdcoeials73jf9sefvnqo4 Montoya" in Google's results? Anyone at all? No sir/ma'am, and my firstborn will thank me for it.
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Well. I can say that "Julián Rodriguez" is a pretty common name in spanish (Julian is not as common as John, in english or spanish -Julián/Juan-, but still) and Rodriguez is kind of like the hispanic version of "Smith".
So I guess I'm lucky my mother put her last name (Orihuela, that is) after my father's in my National ID (DNI, National Identity Document, obligatory in Argentina), and since a couple of years I've been using both, to be recognized as an individual (makes me remember Access databases with their "unique id" field)
Do you think anyone's going to remember a name like Yg67kas98hledu96ljhdcoeials73jf9sefvnqo4 either?
I'm with you on the unique names, though.
I subscribed Ziki last year and I've got my name sponsored.. it works, but you're right: my name is unique (by now), and google results are all about me
Oh no you didn't! I am not letting you name any of our children at all! I would sooner name my child Kim Chi Montoya than one of your stupid Yg67kas98hledu96ljhdcoeials73jf9sefvnqo4 names. If our first born ends up with a terrible name like the one you suggested, I'll make sure he knows you named him so that he kicks your butt once he's old enough.
Yg67kas98hledu96ljhdcoeials73jf9sefvnqo4 will be glad I named him/her! I say let him/her know it was my idea; he/she will probably beat you up for opposing it!
Hey! Yg67kas98hledu96ljhdcoeials73jf9sefvnqo4 is a boy's or a girl's name? Does it work for both? How cool!
It seems to me this naming technique might create problems when taking standardized exams as there aren't number bubbles in the name field… have you considered this?
Julián: Yep, it's like Sam or Pat or Mackenzie.
Tim: That's discrimination! I'm going to have to fight those bigots as soon as I get out of college!
liquid cactus is my name
"Steven Campbell." A boring, usual name. Plus, it's the name of several celebrities, including a famous Scottish artist. My friends have interesting names, and I'm stuck with a boring, stupid name. I think I should change my name, or write under a pen name. Seriously - I was thinking about this the other day. I have probably the worst name for online visibility. It's nice and easy to remember, but otherwise it sucks.
Why couldn't my parents name me something interesting like "Klondiadolan?" People would call me Klondike or just Dike for short, and it sounds good with "Campbell." Yeah, I'm definitely changing my name to Klondiadolan Steven Campbell.
Paul Stamatiou, Bryan Veloso, Christian Montoya…I am SO jealous.
Steven, just remember: if you have a feeling in your heart, and you know that you must pursue it, don't let anything get in your way. Today is the first day of the rest of your life!
Christian, you are right. A unique name is easier to control/optimize your identity, but Ziki is more about content promotion. Content promotion starts with control of your identity. Even if your name is unique, you might need to promote content you produce. This is where Ziki comes..
Andre/Ziki team
Touché, Andre! I'm usually not keen on the aggregation thing, and I tend to do it for myself on my own server, but for many people the service offered by Ziki does make sense. Plus, I like the design! Keep up the good work.
Yeah, that's kind of a reason I am thankful to be a Korleski. I come up every time you search for Korleski or Kyle Korleski.
Steven Bao, that's me. Bao is very common, however a search for Steven Bao turns 2 pages of nonstop StevenBao-age, and then an interruption by wa.gov, and then more pages of me. So I guess that's pretty good, or I spend too much time on the internet.